Oh for fuck’s sake!
I think I’ve finally discovered the one thing above all that most annoys me to the point of wanting to punch random old ladies in the face, and it is this…
It’s late at night. 2 or 3 am-ish. You’re out and about somewhere in New York City. For whatever reason, maybe it’s because you want to save a few bucks by not taking a cab, or maybe you’ve had no luck hailing one, or maybe you’re just one of those people who likes to watch drunkards trying to piss on track-rats in a subterranean shithole, you make the decision that you’re going to take the subway home. So you’re standing on the tracks and you wait.
And you wait.
And you wait.
With each passing minute, you think, “well…maybe I’ll just go back up and take a cab.” But then you think about it and you know, you just fucking KNOW, that as soon as you scale the stairs and exit the turnstile to the street that you’ll hear the train you’ve been waiting for pulling into the station, and you know that this will only inflame your already raging temper even more, for the subway Gods will have then fucked you even harder in the soul, so you decide to stay right there on the platform and wait it out.
And you wait.
And you wait.
And then finally, a breakthrough.
The first thing you notice is the slight trace of a breeze coming through the tunnel that your train is supposed to be coming down through. Could it be? You’re tired, weary, beaten, maybe your equilibrium is a bit scattered due to last shot of whiskey you downed that you just knew was a bad idea at the time, but you took anyway because you didn’t want to look like a pussy for turning it down, and now you’re standing there wondering if your mind is playing tricks on you, so you walk over to the edge of the platform to take a gander down the tunnel to see if you see anything coming down the way, and finally, FINALLY, there it is, a light, a blessed light, the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, getting bigger by the second, definitely coming your way, and finally you can feel your heart beginning to rest with the knowledge that soon you’ll be barreling through a soot-stained tunnel on your way home, and all is suddenly forgiven, as in a moment everything is so damn fantastically fine.
And then the first car of the train pulls into the station and you can see that it is red. It’s the garbage train, going from station to station to collect the rubbish of Gotham’s commuter peasantry.
Fuck that Goddamn garbage train!
